The Tech Bros Now Have Military Ranks — What Could Go Wrong?

Let's follow the money...

Army Chief of Staff Gen. Randy A. George administers the Oath of Office to four new US Army Lt. Cols. (Photo by Leroy Council/DVIDS) Public Domain

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In this administration, ask and you shall receive. But the asker better have money.

Money buys you government subsidies, “gold card” immigration status, or even a meeting with Trump. Throw down enough meme coin and you can buy your way out of regulations, and into DOGE(y) fictitious government agencies with exclusive briefings.

And, now, money buys you a rank in the US military.

Take, for example, Shyam Sankar, Palantir’s Chief Technology Officer, who was recently awarded the position of Lieutenant Colonel. He only had to ask.

“I want to join the Army. I want to wear the cloth of the nation.”

Well, soldier boy, ask and you shall receive.

Sankar is not the only officer pulled from the pantheon of tech’s elite into the position of Lieutenant Colonel. There’s also Andrew “Boz” Bosworth — a Facebook veteran turned Meta’s CTO. From OpenAI, we have two new military recruits — Kevin Weil (product chief) and Bob McGrew (former research head).

Each of these four men is a multi-millionaire several times over. They certainly aren’t chasing an Army stipend. Nor are these your average fresh-faced cadets. Typically, direct commissions into the Army Reserve — common for doctors, lawyers, chaplains — come in at the Captain or Major level. But these tech titans waltzed in at Lieutenant Colonel — a rank usually earned after 16+ years in uniform, commanding hundreds of troops. It’s the brass without the slog.

Sure, they’ll get a short crash course at Fort Benning, but they will skip the dirt, sweat, and blood of basic training. No crawling through mud, no screaming sergeants, no humiliating pushups until you vomit Gatorade. Certainly, no one expects you to clean latrines with a toothbrush or lace up boots at 4:45 a.m. (Clearly, I watch too many MASH reruns.)

Instead, the US government will hand you a keycard to the war room and a crisp lieutenant colonel’s uniform.

And with that uniform comes authority. The kind that used to be earned. Now it’s Venmo’d.

But what could possibly go wrong with tech bros now wearing the uniform of the institution they sell to?

Let’s follow the money and count the conflicts of interest in these four wealthy tech moguls, play-acting soldiers.