Science Explains Why Erotic Asphyxiation is Arousing yet Unsafe
The dangers of "choking" your partner during sex are apparent. The danger is also why it is so arousing.
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*The following contains details of sexual violence and may be triggering for readers.
As soon as Julia* sat down for lunch, I knew something was wrong. It was her clothing choice that triggered my spidey senses. No one wears a turtleneck in April. But there it was. A constellation of bruises. Cassiopeia tied to her chair in a zigzag pattern of purple, brown, and livid stars encircling her neck.
“What happened to your neck?” My hand instinctively reached for my throat, urging her to reveal the truth.
Julia waved away my question. “Oh, it is nothing. Brad* should know better than to use two hands. He is into choking during sex but sometimes gets carried away.”
I wasn’t letting this one go.
“Unless he stuffed a turkey bone down your throat, obstructing your airway, he didn’t choke you. He strangled you. Big difference,” I blurted out.
As soon as I spoke the words, I knew my sarcasm had wounded her. I reached across the table, squeezed her hand, and said the four words I prayed would pull her back to earth.
“That is not normal.”
What is erotic asphyxiation, and is it ever safe?
Julia is not the only one normalizing strangling a partner during sex. Often referred to as asphyxiophilia, “choking” during sex is the latest white bread sex act. A 2020 study found that 21% of women and 11% of men ages 18 to 60 have been choked during sex.
The study used the word “choke,” which is an obvious misnomer. More problematic is that many young women refuse to use the term strangulation. In a study titled “It Was Scary, But Then It Was Kind of Exciting”: Young Women’s Experiences with Choking During Sex,” researchers asked women if “strangulation” during sex went too far.
One 22-year-old’s answer was revealing.
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