Is There a Goldilocks Zone for Body Counts?
Not too many. Not too little. Researchers found there's a sweet spot between sexual experience and naivete.
This week, we are examining the research behind “body counts.” Do men and women care equally about the number of sexual partners someone has had?
Wednesday’s article is always free. Sunday’s article is for paid subscribers only.
It always confuses me when men on dating apps check the box for "open to casual sex" while also checking the box for "looking for a long-term relationship." Freud would have had a field day with that Madonna/Whore indecision.
Of course, evolutionary psychologists will claim that men are just more sexually opportunistic or what the kids call "thirsty." We all know the cliches. Men are expected to spread their seed like fertilizer while women demurely wait to be um…plucked.
According to evolutionary psychology, it's the risk that makes us seek different rewards. Women must limit their sexual partners because they can't risk wasting precious eggs and nine months of pregnancy, investing in men who won't stick around for diaper duty. Men must have multiple sexual partners because they can't risk wasting that precious squirt of sperm and the chance to spread their genetic legacy.
Yet despite the just-so story from evolutionary psychologists, surveys always find men want committed relationships more than women. And the gap is getting larger. A 2023 Pew Research Center study found that 28% of men, compared with only 18% of women, say being married is “extremely or very important for a fulfilling life.” A 2024 Pew Research Center found the same held true for having children. 57% of men vs. 45% of women want to have children.
So to recap: Men want monogamy, marriage, and babies more than women, yet evolutionary psychologists keep claiming men are driven by an uncontrollable biological need to spread their seed with multiple partners.
Sure. Maybe that was true when everyone died by 30 and back hair was sexy, but today it is just some fatuous argument retrofitted to justify sexual hypocrisy. Unfortunately, if you listen to the science bros and feminist claptrap long enough, modern love starts to resemble a funhouse mirror where everyone looks a bit blobby and distorted.
Forget the carnival barkers and discord sewers. What does the research say about your number of past sexual partners?
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