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In The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll And Mr. Hyde, author Robert Louis Stevenson describes Mr. Hyde's appearance as "something wrong"…“something displeasing, something down-right detestable." He concludes, "He must be deformed somewhere."
Stevenson could have been describing himself. At a frail 5'10" and 116 pounds, his sunken, scarecrow face and troglodytic eyes didn't invite Victorian love sonnets.
And yet he seduced countless women. There was a gothic romp in a graveyard with a scullery maid, a passionate affair with a famous French actress, and the hottie he married — Fanny Osbourne.
And it wasn't only women he seduced. The author of Peter Pan, J.M. Barrie, said of Stevenson, "Some men of letters, not necessarily the greatest, have an indescribable charm to which we give our hearts."
Okay, that's a bit of a backhanded compliment. Still, Barrie understood why everyone loved Stevenson - he was comfortable in his own skin. Those relaxed souls make others feel relaxed in their human skin suits.
I often fear we are losing this trait in our looks-focused world. This pressure to be attractive once only affected women, but now, research shows heterosexual men have just as many body insecurities. Even more alarming, recent research from the American Addiction Centers found male body dysmorphia (BDD) is on the rise. But unlike the female obsession to be thin, the male fixation on the perfect body goes by a different condition — bigorexia — an unhealthy obsession over building muscle mass.
Meanwhile, dating apps have commodified people, offering endless choices. Unfortunately, more choices have also fed both sides with a monstrous Dr. Jekyll sense of entitlement. We think we are owed love without ever putting in the work. And many of us have champagne taste on a beer budget.
Examples of entitlement abound on that bastion of narcissism known as TikTok. I often see videos of women boldly proclaiming they "are a prize," and any man who doesn't complete Hercules's labors to win them is not worthy.
Hot tip: If a woman thinks she is a prize to be won, she isn't looking for a partner. She is looking for power. Avoid these women.
And then there is the recent 666 trend— the expectation that a man be six feet tall, make six figures and have a six-inch penis. Good Lord.
Unfortunately, narcissists often have the biggest mouths (and social media platforms), so men inevitably get brainwashed into believing these shallow women represent the majority. In reality, they represent the most insecure. Doth project too much.
This collective illusion also has harmful consequences. One study found that men are more inclined toward misogyny when they doubt their appeal to female partners. It makes sense. If you constantly feel rejected, you will eventually hate the ones who reject you.
However, I smell a rat in this victimhood tale. The men crying foul the loudest often accuse women of valuing superficial traits while being grossly superficial themselves. The incel community — involuntary celibate — amplifies this hypocrisy. These men protest that they are rejected for their physical appearance and then develop an entire coding system (Staceys, Chads, Normies, etc.) to judge other's appearances.
Who are the real Shallow Hals? Sorry, but you can't claim you are being rejected because of your appearance while objectifying others solely on appearance. More importantly, if you choose someone based on their pretty packaging, don't be surprised when you peel back the layers and find nothing but onion tears.
Instead of having the Andrew Tate fanboys and Roganites frame this debate, let's examine the research and answer the question that keeps the incel neckbeards up at night—how much does a man's physical appearance matter to women?
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